I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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