i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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