dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
