Duck Duck Cougar?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
