So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
