Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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