They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
