people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
