I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
