bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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