I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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