a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Can I color on your dick again?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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