The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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