Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i believe in u and ur pee
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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