So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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