Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
