You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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