Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
