found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
This toilet bowl is my home.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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