I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.