just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex