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If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Randomize
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