so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dating After Heartbreak
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How