it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.