i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I love you. Go after that dick
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
