if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
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If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
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one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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