I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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