went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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