Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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