I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
