I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
