the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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