she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize