Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
