if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
