it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
