Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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