I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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