we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We are all done wearing pants today
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize