it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
All I want is dick and wine.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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