LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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