Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
