i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
