I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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