this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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