I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
