Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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