I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
