wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
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Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
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Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
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I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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