Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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