My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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