Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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