I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
