Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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