I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
