I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i wish my penis had a tongue
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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