And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
