well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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