well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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