using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize