Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
