I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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