he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
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was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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