so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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