What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
