My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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